In my long teenage years, there was a chapter that belonged only to the balcony of my family, which was 5 square meters long.
The hot sun baked the city like a hot potato. I didn’t stay in the classroom depressed like other girls and let the fans blow all over the place. The bone injury of the left ankle is the most grand reason for truancy.
Hiding on the balcony of my home, looking at the clouds through the dense and unusual ornamental plants, I have only one pastime for the whole summer. Living on the top floor nearest to the sky, but without a pair of wings to fly, is a waste of resources. Naturally, the mood will not be as bright as the sunshine. When a girl begins to learn to observe the world with her own eyes, her sensitive mind is always the first to experience sadness.
The little bamboo basket tied to the rope was thrown out of the balcony by me. Put it down, pull it up, toss and turn again and again, killing a lot of empty and lonely time. You can’t catch fish in the air, but I found a basket of paper dragonflies. A small card, with the smell of tobacco on it, and the elegant and neat handwriting of a man: When you are in a bad mood, let them go!
The unexpected gains are always gratifying. I immediately picked a rose I planted from the pot, and I was eager to give back this strange gift.
“Thank you. It’s the first time I’ve received someone else’s flowers. How beautiful!
That afternoon, the sky was blue and clear, there was no cicada crying obscurely, there was no wind.
For a long time afterwards, I communicated with the men downstairs in such a strange and interesting way as to convey messages to each other. I often put the basket down slowly with a feeling of uneasiness. Every time, I can recover a few warm and interesting words and all kinds of paper dragonflies. He was an ordinary night-old teacher who lived downstairs with his family; he was 14 years older than me and called me “little children” kindly like his own children; he said that paper dragonflies were his favorite toys in childhood, and told me how to make them….
Sometimes downstairs came the harsh voice of women, which I could not understand in Wenzhou dialect. He never mentioned these private topics to me, nor did he ask me why I played truant, nor did he invite me downstairs to sit down. We all carefully reserve the last inch of space for each other.
I don’t know how long this kind of life will last. Five square meters of balcony, small paper dragonflies give me too much happiness and secrets. The melancholy and sadness inherent in the teenage years were offset by the tolerance and patience of the strange man downstairs.
Turning in the hot night, the noise downstairs disturbs my mood at all times. Hysterical women swear loudly, children cry hoarsely, and heavy objects hit the floor countless times. I pricked up my ears, but I couldn’t find the man’s voice. His silence made the night extremely frightening.
The next morning, standing on the balcony, I saw a large piece of paper dragonflies flying through the grass downstairs.
Before long, the man downstairs moved away. The small basket tied to the rope drifted solitary outside the balcony on the top floor, and nothing was salvaged.
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The moment she opened the door, I was stunned. Want to escape.
It’s only four years since I saw my former one-bedroom classmate. Now I live in the only mansion in Singapore with a swimming pool and golf practice ground on a hilltop. When I climbed half way up the hill, I saw a sign saying that this road leads to private property. Please go around.
Do you know the concept of private housing in Singapore? Of course, in terms of momentum and breadth, it would be inferior to the Updown Court Village Villa in Windshan Village, UK, but in terms of unit area, it would be more expensive than the top 10 houses in the world. I’ve read newspaper reports that an old couple divorced and sold their common property, a dilapidated and dilapidated building, to the tune of 15 million new coins, doubting whether they could find a buyer’s house to dispose of.
So when I climbed up the 163-metre “peak” on foot and turned around to touch the foreign house hidden by green trees, the first thought that came to my mind was that the owner of the house must be a huge sum of money, and I should have paid more for the tuition.
Then I met the man who I used to despise, and she was the mistress of the house.
She also froze, and then gently and charmingly smiled and said, “My daughter’s tutor is you?”
I followed her into the hall, where the glazed ceiling lamp fell from four floors to nearly overhead, looking like a drop of water melting from a snow-covered mountain. The decoration of the hall is full of splendid European court-style vulgarity, which is really in line with her past temperament. Of course, to see her again today is extremely simple and elegant, as if she had been married.
I followed her up to the fourth floor and felt the softness of the wool under her feet when I stepped on a carpet as thick as a pine needle. My stomach is beginning to pan-shanxi vinegar-like acid. Think of that year, we were all studying East Asian history in the United States. I was so tired that my eyes and nose were swollen that I spent all day thinking about how to win the hard-won half prize in order to avoid the fate of working in restaurants. If you mix well, you can’t find a research assistant position in a university after graduation, and then start boiling a green card. And she, the one who didn’t want to make progress, spent all day facing the only mirror in the dormitory, decorated herself, occupied the toilet in the morning and wasted half an hour just washing her face, so that I hated itchy teeth, and finally, unexpectedly… Life is like a play!
As I climbed the stairs, I concealed my envy and jealousy. I said lightly, “If you climb up and down the fourth floor every day, you’ll also exercise.” She looked up and led the way ahead and said, “No, there’s an elevator next to the building, but usually I don’t come up. It’s the servant who takes the teacher to the children’s room. Today, because it’s you, I’ll take you there myself.”
Her child is only two years old, and her speech is incomplete, but she has invited a tutor to start learning Chinese. In my impression, she should have graduated from the Chinese Department of Nantah University before. She would not be a little worse than my Chinese Department of Peking University. She did not know what music she put up. It was only when she entered the room that she and her daughter spoke English – and with a genuine Singaporean accent, they had a taste of Hainan chicken rice.
After an hour of class, she waited for me to have afternoon tea in the downstairs lobby.
The two chatted irrelevantly. She asked me how I came to Singapore, and I answered that no matter how hard I worked in the United States, it was very difficult for me to stay in this major. Halfway through the doctor’s study, he finally woke up and rushed to Singapore to seek gold for the sake of China’s strength. It’s very popular to teach Chinese here. If you work hard, you can still get along well with it.
She couldn’t help asking, “How much do you make every month?”
I answered, “If the class is fully scheduled and you work hard, you can get four or five thousand when you are full. With contributions to newspapers, six or seven thousand is always okay.” I already know I can’t compare with her, but before I met her, I was always proud of my income.
She breathed a sigh of relief, revealing that she had been uneven before. She spent a lot of money in the United States. During the two years with my classmates, she wore braces and eventually formed her teeth like scallops. She drew a beautiful arc at the corner of her mouth: “You can see, it’s better to do well than to marry well.” I don’t know how to live if I only have seven thousand dollars a month.”
If it had been four years ago, I would have despised her as an unproductive parasite and had been dreaming of marrying into a luxury class all day long. At that time, she laughed at me and said that the purpose of women’s reading was not to feed themselves, but to add value to the charm of their marriage. If they really concentrate on getting in, they will inevitably be aiming at people with glasses as thick as beer bottle caps.
But after four years of drifting away, my painstaking knowledge left me hungry for half a year and unable to find a job. Even the flight tickets to Singapore were sponsored by my first love, which I had abandoned for driving me out. I could not take the courage to ridicule. Even when people mocked me, I couldn’t help showing great admiration.
Some people always have a clear mind, every step of life is calculated clearly, and youth as an investment, in the coming decades will continue to have returns.
Some people, on the other hand, always follow the trend, and only follow the trend when people are profitable and then be trapped.
This is fate. You can’t escape.
I do not intend to continue to uphold my nobility. I don’t intend to continue wasting my last resources at the age of 30.
Suddenly, I put the vinegar jar flat, especially sincerely consulted: “Sister, you taught me a few tricks, how did you pick honey from the flowers? How did you catch your distinguished brother-in-law in that crowd? If I don’t learn any more, I’ve spent another four years. Life can’t always pay tuition. You have to save the victims, do charity to sympathize with me, pity me, let me quickly step into the luxury and do not shake out.
Mix some rose tea for me and say, “It’s very simple. All you have to do on a rainy night is to hold an oil-paper umbrella with Chinese characteristics, put on a cheongsam-style silk cardigan, step on a pair of embroidered shoes, stand under the bank corridor and wait to see a handsome man coming out of the turning door and driving a Mercedes-Bentley or Bentley. You rush past, brush the car and fall down, throw down the rain-soaked oil-paper umbrella, and lie quietly in front of the car. Waiting handsome man will get out of the car at a loss, rush to your side, call you, and shake you, you slowly open your eyes, rain mixed with tears falling along the eyelashes, difficult to stand up, a bite of teeth said, I’m all right, and then limp and hurry away, leaving handsome man alone guilty. If he doesn’t catch up, you fold up to get the oil-paper umbrella, pass by him, and then dizzily stroke his head, waiting for him to help. He’ll leave you a business card. You are not in a hurry to go to CALL, but when his thoughts and feelings are piled up everywhere, you call him again and say hello timidly – he’s yours.
I really want to throw myself into the ground.
“Can you imagine such a classic? You are really… Idol!
“I didn’t think of this classic. When Eileen Chang saw Hu Lancheng, I adopted the detached dress. Later, the wife of Tan Dun colluded with Tan Dun. I told you long ago that the purpose of reading is not to learn.”
I have benefited a lot.
After I get the Sutra, I will return to my native land. I have all these tricks. Why should I be confined to a place like Singapore? I want to go back to China, to my haunting homeland. In China, those who drive Mercedes-Benz BMW must be officials and businessmen if they are not the Soviet Party. Take one as you like, and you’ll never worry about eating or drinking in your life. Don’t talk to me about love or career, I want to reach the climax of life as fast as possible.
I planned it.
I’ve been staring at that man for days. He drives BMW 7. He always hangs out alone. He lives in a big villa in the suburbs. He’s not old, either.
I held an oil-paper umbrella, wore a cheongsam like a night dress, wrapped my chest like a golden armor, stepped on a pair of embroidered shoes of Su embroidery and Haizhu. On the rainy night, on his way back from the bar to the villa, he happened to brush the body of his car and fell down. I closed my eyes, waited for him to get out of the car and lift me up, gave him a sad look, and then tortured him for the rest of his life.
He got out of the car.
Come nearer, he comes nearer, and I open my eyelids that I cut according to Korean cosmetology, and I fall in love with him at one glance.
But he didn’t leave. He gave me a frightened look and suddenly turned around and went straight into the driver’s seat.
He started backing up.
Want to run away! My Millennium spider is very difficult to cloth the web! I was about to get up when he fell back and slammed on the accelerator.——
The BMW Seven crossed over my head, crushing my newly cut eyelids to pieces and splitting my arms and legs. And he poured back and forth several times, until my blood stained the whole tire into the sun.
He said to the fragments of my body, “I’m sorry. It’s better to die than to crush you to pieces. Everyone’s mind is saved.”
Now I wander between hell and heaven.
On my left, Diana and Grace Kelly are playing poker, and on my right, Jean-fei, Princess Yang and Mu Guiying are playing mahjong. When they saw me, they looked at me lightly and cut a line: “What’s good about marrying into a big family?” Where have you read all your books?
I laughed and asked, “Are my sisters waiting for me, and I’ll just have a table when I arrive?” After that, sit at the table. Yang Guifei stared at me and said, “You are still a mile away from being a real fruit like us. You come here to see tea.”
Many years ago, I cut a picture of Kawabata Yasunari from the newspaper. His mouth was drooping and his glasses were looking up obliquely. The loneliness, the silence and the silence of terror I have never seen in other writers.
Kawabata Yasunari has lived in a river of death since his childhood. He lost his father at the age of two, his mother at the age of three, and his grandmother died at the age of seven. At the age of sixteen, his only relative, his grandfather, died.
I think that a person who lives in desolation and always thinks of himself as an orphan will probably have this expression on his face.
Is that what my inner expression is like?
That vague panic is something I know best.
I was born in a small town in a remote province. I lost my father at the age of three and my mother was away from home all the year round.
I went through hunger and school dropouts, and when I was seven years old, I began to live alone and face the world by myself. For me, the world is almost a stone that hits me in the chest. It’s cold, hard and dark. I learned it very early.
I don’t trust the world, I doubt everyone.
When I was eight years old, my grandmother came to see me from the countryside town. She bought me my favorite fork burger, but I thought she put poison in it. All kinds of dark and sick ideas have been tormenting me for many years.
Faced with the reality, I am a fragile person, not to break up, not to defeat.
For such a person, writing is not a choice, but a fate.
I started keeping a diary very early.
Words are like my dead father and mother far away, and thick quilts blocking the world for me. They return to my heart from my pen and become the light in my darkness. Reality is forgotten in time, and man becomes powerful in illusion. Writers hold swords one by one, marching bravely, how many vicious enemies are sworded by their throats, and how many tender feelings have never been obtained, starting from their hearts, through words, into petals back to their shoulders.
From diary to poetry and from poetry to fiction, writing has become my way of life for more than twenty years.
Without writing, I would be depressed, depressed, anxious, restless, like a drug addict breaking down.
When I write well, I feel healthy and happy. I am willing to live to be a hundred years old. In this way, writing diluted my fears and made me see another world, which was not as dark as I had seen earlier in my life.
I came to ShenZhen from the most remote provinces.
In Beiliu County, my hometown, there is a pass for exiled prisoners in ancient times, called ghost gate gate gate. The folk saying “after the ghost gate gate, nine out of ten will not return” refers to this place. I didn’t like my hometown until I was an adult. In fact, I was more dissatisfied with my life. I grew up anxious, irritable, panicked and anxious, always looking forward to fleeing my hometown and going far away. I came from Beiliu to Nanning, from Nanning to Wuhan, and finally to ShenZhen.
Now I have lived in ShenZhen for more than ten years. Just as I can’t tell the north from the west, I can’t understand the secret of the city.
ShenZhen is a great city, but it is far away from me. City, but it’s far away from me. “Although I believe in beauty rather than my native land”, sometimes I think of the feelings of the ancient poet Wang Can when facing a magnificent pavilion.
In this way, my hometown finally came to my heart many years after I left it, but at this moment it has been totally different.
Three years ago, when I returned to the north, I saw that it had become more new and strange than seven years ago. The streets I knew had disappeared, the familiar trees had disappeared, and the vast fields had become construction sites. In particular, my mother tongue is also mixed with Mandarin and Cantonese, which makes it strange. Once Wenlian invited a restaurant to dinner. The table was full of local people, but every dish served by the lady was in Mandarin instead of local dialect. I think if I still live in my hometown today, I must be like a foreigner.
I live on the eighth floor of a high-rise building in Dongcheng. My daughter has been planting corn on the balcony since she was five years old. She has been planting corn for several years now. Because she can’t breathe in the air and has not enough sunshine, she doesn’t have heading every year, and her daughter always has a white joy.
I think half of it is like corn. It’s neither the son of the city nor the son of nature.
Fortunately, literature has taken me in, and my rootless sickness and anxiety, as well as the sense of emptiness of isolation, have been placed in literature.
I have worked in many professions, and now I am a woman who lives by writing.
The current situation is that there are more than a billion people in our country. Even if only 10,000 people buy my books, I can survive at the lowest standard of living without looking at the face of the market.
I gradually calmed down, which made me slowly see the survival of others.
I would like to see more. From May to September 2000, I traveled alone, four times in and out of ShenZhen, along the Yellow River valley, and traveled more than 20,000 miles.
I saw countless fields and mountains, countryside fairs and schools, old people and children, sheep and cattle, funeral processions and wheat on the road. Although I am not good at participating in the writing of social reality, I am sure that the concern for the underprivileged and vulnerable groups will make my heart healthier.
Writing about myself is my last ideal. On the road to carnival, I give up my literary ambition and any persistence.
I believe that the homeland of my heart will appear in my writing.
If one day I can’t write any more, let literature lurk in my body like bacteria, let them grow with me, grow with all things, or perish with all things.
I used to be so afraid of the world, but the world embraced me with literature, I can only be grateful.
He was so tough and hot that the tip was already in the thirsty grass beneath me, ready to launch a charge.
The heart thumps as if it could jump out of its throat at at any time.
There are a lot of people on Mingming’s car, but I feel like I’m almost crazy and suppress a lot of desires.
I am also a normal woman, I also have normal physiological needs, but my husband does not mention, I married two years or virgin, think it is ridiculous.
When my husband is not at home, I also secretly masturbated, but where can my fingers compare with men’s masculine objects? I secretly bought sex objects, but I dare not take them home. My husband likes to clean up the house, if he finds out, he will feel very hurt. I had a very humble life. I dared not speak to anyone. I could only hold it in my heart.
It was because he had been depressed for too long and hungry that he hesitated when he asked for it.
“Zhou Ying, so coincidental! How unexpectedly met you!”
The familiar voice of Tao sounded behind me. I turned my head and saw Zhao Kun, my immediate superior.
“General Zhao, why do you take the bus?”
“Today, my car is restricted, so I’ll go green once!”
After that, he looked at me again and put the cell phone in his pocket.
I don’t know why. I think his eyes are a bit meaningful.
I thought I was really crazy just now and almost obeyed the strange man. Zhao Kun awakened me from the primitive madness, and I instinctively wanted to push away the man in front of me. But the other hand of the man immediately pulled a dagger out of his pocket and hit it on my stomach.
He must have been afraid that I might poke him when he saw me meet an acquaintance.
The dagger wasn’t sharp, but it made my heart beat. I stopped struggling and dared not move.
Instead of entering my body, he rubbed a few times in my privacy, and then hot, magma-like, sticky liquid sprayed directly into my shorts.
The strange man got off in a hurry and Zhao Kun came up to me to chat with me.
But the sticky liquid kept running down my thighs, so I quickly pulled out the paper towel from my bag and felt for myself to clean it up.
Think of the scene just now, I blushed with shame, afraid of being discovered by Zhao Kun, embarrassed.
I joined Zhao Kun in the company, just as I had a report to ask for Zhao Kun’s signature, so I took the report and went directly to him.
After knocking at the door, he was looking down at his cell phone, but there was a bad smile on his face, which was always serious.
I went up to him and put the folder on his desk.
“General Zhao, you have a look!”
He looked up and down at me. I noticed that his eyes stayed on my chest for a long time, and finally landed on my slender white legs, as if there was a small act of swallowing saliva.
I was stared at by him, and my heart began to beat wildly. Although when I first joined the company, I had a vague feeling that he was fond of me, but in my eyes, he has always been a gentleman, and when contacting with female subordinates, he has a sense of propriety.
His eyes just now really look like a sex wolf, which makes my heart very uncomfortable.
“Zhou Ying, I have a video I want you to see!
I walked over suspiciously, just glancing at it, and immediately felt a “boom” in my head. He took pictures of me on the bus making out with the man. No wonder, his mobile phone has been in his hands, no wonder he looked at me like that!
“Unexpectedly, you are so wild! It seems that your desire in that respect is very strong, and your husband can’t satisfy you at all, otherwise you would not be so hungry and choose food, right?”
He said, putting a handful around my waist, rudely lifting one of my legs and letting me sit on him. And the bulge beneath him was just right in my privacy.
He’s moving so fast that I can’t respond at all.
Men’s hormonal breath wrapped me tightly, I wanted to resist subconsciously, but he clamped my waist with one hand, put his other hand directly into my neck, squeezed my right chest tightly, and whispered, “Give me now! Otherwise, I will post the video online, so that the whole world knows what kind of woman you are!”
My husband called Xie Youzhi. During the period of our newlyweds, we could still paint like glue, but slowly I found out that he had problems.
He was born short below and could not erect quickly. Every time it took a long time to harden. There was probably only one finger at most, and the soft one never lasted.
Basically, every time he would let me lie in bed, touch my plump chest, climb onto my body, and help himself find the right place to put his little Ding in.
When he came in, I felt hot and dry all over, but the hot and dry had not disappeared, or was in the momentum, he left a warm thing in it, so that my desire was up and down, it was difficult to eliminate the blush on my face.
I am a conservative woman in everyone’s eyes, but my body is very sensitive. If I was pinched by my husband’s chest or touched my leg, I would react immediately. He can’t satisfy me at all.
Apart from that, our feelings are very harmonious.
The first time he had a relationship with a stranger was the night after a week’s business trip.
Our house is rented. In a dilapidated area, there is no balcony on the second floor. It’s hot in summer. We have to open windows to cool down. Otherwise, it’s like a big steamer.
I didn’t expect that because I didn’t close the window, a strange man climbed in.
At about 2 a.m., I felt very heavy in my dream. It seemed that a pair of hands were touching my chest. There were waves of numbness on the heavy white fruits, as if they were held tightly, loosened and held tightly by a man.
I have not been touched by my husband for a long time. I am eager to be caressed by men. In my sleep, my breathing becomes strong. The primitive desire of my body makes me begin to cater to the brutality of my hands.
His fingers skillfully walked up my flat stomach and kneaded gently between my legs and across the inside of the small body. I immediately raised my waist unconsciously, and there seemed to be a warm current overflowing in my body. At that time, the inside of the small body was slowly faded.
Suddenly, I realized that something was wrong. I grabbed the inside of the fly, but I grabbed a big rough hand.
Suddenly, I was woken up and saw a man riding on me. It was dark in the room. I could not see his face clearly, but I could vaguely see a strong body.
When I woke up, the other party seemed to be startled, but did not make a sound. A big hand blocked my mouth, and the naked man lay down on me.
Strong pectoral muscles pressed on my chest, his chest was flat, he rubbed hard, I feel there is a tight bondage in the full.
As he touched my chest, he covered my mouth and spoke in my ear, “Don’t shout, if you do, everyone here knows it!” I’ll leave when I’m done. I’ll never hurt you! “
Hearing his promise, I nodded quickly.
Many reports have said that a man who does not do business enters the house to steal, sees the hostess sleeping, and then rapes the hostess hand in hand. If he fails, he will extinguish his mouth. I’m afraid, coupled with the poor public security here, I can hardly resist, I just hope he can go quickly.
When he saw me nodding, he immediately released his hand, gripped my lip with hunger and thirst, and ravaged it severely. His tongue poured directly into my mouth, licked my teeth, and skillfully stirred my tongue.
I couldn’t push him, and his hand kept holding the place where I was shy to open my mouth. If he only increased his strength a little, I would feel like losing my strength.
Suddenly he saw through my falseness and mocked me with dirty words, “You are the most sensitive woman I have ever seen. I really want it, please! “
“There’s money in the closet. Don’t do that. I have a husband! “I begged, but I saw him shake his head.
Immediately he gave me a head-on with his own bottom, which stimulated me almost to shout out, I was afraid of being heard by the neighbors to tell my husband, frightened me to restrain.
“Money I want, people want, don’t scream or kill you! “
I was afraid to be found out that a man ran into my house at night and did this to me. I dared not speak up and shook my head desperately, but he was buried under me, burning me in the heat, rubbing against me.
My body immediately collapsed without struggle. In fact, he played a trick on me in his dream for a long time. I was already wet.
He saw me so sensitive that he grabbed me by one hand and put me on his male part.
As soon as I touched it, I was stunned, hard and thick, and even a little hot.
God, it’s so terrible. It’s the first time I’ve touched a man other than my husband. Compared with Xie Youzhi, it’s like heaven and earth. My hand is forced to grasp the end by him, just like holding a fire stick.
He grabbed my hand and stroked it from top to bottom. It was three times bigger than my husband’s. He could not hold both hands. Especially, the top was like a round egg, and some sticky liquid was sticking to my hand.
“Do you want me to come in? “
I held it there, my whole body was like a fire, the last trace of reason was almost gone, and even I had a very shameful idea. My husband never filled my body, but what kind of feeling would it be if he put his things in it?
I didn’t dare to say what I thought, because I knew that the man in front of me was not my husband, but a very strange man. Shame and moral restraint made me hard to speak of.
When he saw that I had not answered, he simply stopped saying anything and pushed his huge things in, adding the original lubrication to make him unobstructed.
This ferocious moment, I could not control the whisper out, like a baby crying, inside and outside with comfort.
My husband has never filled me up, it is an unprecedented feeling, he directly into the ocean that pushed me instantly into lust, the feeling of full is very beautiful.
He didn’t give me a chance to react at all. The wild action made me suffocate with him. Maybe it was too exciting for me and him. He didn’t do any tricks. He just made the most primitive cultivation and cultivation of human beings, like a horsepower pile driver, which filled the room with the taste of hormones.
I gritted my teeth tightly, but still could not resist the pleasure of waves from the tail vertebrae slapping me, gradually the instinct of the body was mobilized, even the last sense of shame was abandoned, with all his movements.
He worked hard for a long time, and that lasting, unprecedented comfort soon pushed me to the top of the wave, blindly wanting to get this crazy pleasure.
I hugged his thick back and scratched his finger on his back. At this time I felt his reaction became fierce.
I realized the dangerous signal. “No, my husband hasn’t come back for a long time. I’m not afraid of pregnancy during the safe period!” “
But he turned a deaf ear to what I said, and then he poured hot magma into it. From marriage to now, I’ve never been as exciting as I am now. At this moment, I don’t know how many times I’ve fallen into a brief coma.
“Ah… “The trembling voice came out of my voice, and when he left my body, I had a feeling that my body was hollowed out.
The man looked at me motionless and quickly put on his clothes and climbed out of the window.
And I lay in bed, sweaty and fragrant. After a while, I touched my lower body with my hand. The weed was sticky and covered with a mixture. It was very messy.
The aftertaste lasted for a long time. The depression accumulated in that area since the marriage was wiped out and the release was clean. But immediately I became nervous again. What if I became pregnant? I can’t explain to my husband…
But this night I slept very well, that is after being satisfied with the physical and mental pleasure, there are always two vague ideas in my mind, one is to do with a strange man behind his husband, and I actually did not resist, the other idea is to feel such crazy love once again…
Today, I went to my parents to go to the grave. After getting off the bus, I knocked on the door of my cousin’s house. Look carefully, the door is hidden, push the door open, take out the shovel, bamboo broom, and come to the grave. Today, the weather is particularly cold, and the bamboo forest is awe-inspiring. The wind blows the bamboo leaves to the ground, and the yellow bamboo leaves fall on the parents’ graves and step on them.
I used a bamboo broom to sweep away the fallen leaves and shoveled the weeds with a shovel. I ordered the incense sticks and started to burn the paper. The flames fluttered like a parent, knowing that the parents knew to send them money.
I was kneeling in front of the grave, thinking about the warmth of my parents: when I was young, my family was poor but very warm. Especially in the New Year, the family is busy cleaning, soaking rice and pushing the dumplings. In the New Year’s Eve, we are warming up in the bed, and my father cooked the dumplings and gave us to the bed, so warm! Once, my brother killed the duck, didn’t catch it, killed a knife and didn’t kill it, and ran across the yard. Finally caught the duck, killed and washed, the mother came back to boast that the brother can do it, the mother went to find the duck miscellaneous, ready to clean up and used for cooking, not found everywhere, the results look at the soup pot, the duck did not cut evenly get up.
My third sister is the most beautiful of my family, and I was the first to work. After I graduated from elementary school, I went to work at the Sichuan Cotton Factory. The three sisters are beautiful, the heart is kind and the wages are all taken home. Of course, the mother is also very good at the third sister. The family is poor, and eating noodles is extravagant. At that time, I was very young, and I saw the fragrance of the three sisters! Slightly swallowing beside it.
The mother is the backbone of our family, and the big things are all decided by the mother. Our family is five sons, I am the youngest, my father is working in Chengdu Hardware Company, and my mother is very hard at home with our five sons.
We can come out from the countryside, and worship my family, my father, my mother, took his family for 1 yuan, (54 yuan for 1 year, equivalent to 1,000 yuan now). The mother’s straight character, I’m willing to suffer this, really called Every day should not be called, the ground is silent! In a rage, even the more vigil of the night, I was holding a brother and sister and went straight to the Yangma River Ferry. At that time, even the boat did not have the money, and even said good things to the ferryman. The folks in Shangxiang, the ferryman sent our family to the river for free. In this way, we came to Chengdu from our hometown Wenjiang.
The mother’s hand is very clever, knitting sweaters, knitting wool hats, knitting children’s wool shoes, plus the mother’s amiable, can talk, we can survive in Chengdu.
When I was a child, I was very flattering. I was nicknamed “乖乖” and my grades were good. The class teacher also liked me very much. My mother is not a snack, hehe. I still remember to teach my mother to sing “The moon is walking through the white lotus…” Now think of the past, although poor, but the home is our happy world.
Since my parents died, my brothers and sisters have working families, and their family has gradually become weak. Without parents, the fog is living like an orphan. I can’t enjoy the warmth of the family, and the care of my family. I always have something missing. Today, I came to the grave and saw my parents’ graves. No one came to sweep the grave. I couldn’t help but feel sad and sad. I swear: I will not be buried in the future, so my daughter will use flowers to accompany my ashes. Sprinkle into the mountains of the stream, let my soul coexist with nature.
What are you born, why are you afraid of death? Life is as light as a feather for me. But since it is still alive, it must stand like Taishan, straighten the backbone, behave like a life that you have thought of, and go the way you want to go! ! !
Life: You can do your best, but you can’t help me.
I saw Ruome again in the summer of 2003. On the chaotic train station, when I got off the train, I saw the woman in a red dress with a long red hair hanging down to the waist and smiling at me. We didn’t talk, just watched for a long time. I saw her exquisite dressing dressing up her beautiful dress. She also looked at my desolateness and didn’t speak. We are familiar and unfamiliar.
I sat behind her with her car. Looking at the expensive items in the car, my heart was blocked very badly. One of my shirts was bought two years ago. The jeans on my legs also broke several holes. I looked at the woman who used to be with me. Elegant, looking at the charm of her maturity. My teeth are not consciously groaning. I hate it all the time. I hate this woman who has gone to pay for me. What is even more abominable is that she is better than I thought, and it is a lot better than many times. .
I am a wandering writer. To say that it is a writer, in fact, it is just a code word. I only published a few articles in magazines across the country, so I am poor. It was poverty that most people could not imagine. When I was the poorest, I only had 5 cents left in my pocket. At that time, I had not eaten a meal. However, I still persisted. All along, I am doing a dream, a dream about literature. Many of my things can’t be understood by others. They think that I live by words like a poor dog, but they don’t know, I am humble. I firmly believe that my words will somebody understand someday, and some people will understand what I am writing, but I don’t know if I can wait until that day. Because many literati are only paying attention to his words after death. Based on this idea, I used to have the idea of suicide. I think as long as I am dead, there will be more people to pay attention to my words. It is also because of this thought that I met today’s Ruomei.
I wrote on the BBS: Others say that we are just a group of madmen with pens, we don’t understand life, we are just playing with life. They always think that we imagine the world very simple, but I have to tell them that they are all wrong. We have our own unique sensitivity. We use words to write our opinions. Maybe we don’t understand politics, but we have to express one hundred times more profound than politics. Just how many people can see it? How many people can understand? Life is really helpless. No matter how hard we try, we can’t reach the place we booked. We walked forward and walked, but we didn’t know why we were moving forward. Human beings are sad, living in their own sorrow to create the sorrow of others. If one day, I don’t want to be sad anymore, then I will choose to end this sorrow by hand. If life is a play, then no one will be the winner.
When I went online the next day, I saw the message named Ruomei: Maybe the world is not as beautiful as we think, but we are still working hard to make ourselves better. I believe in this world and believe in everyone. Will work hard to believe in this world. We are not making sorrow, but you are blinded by sorrow, you can’t see the beauty of this world, then please let me take you out of your sorrow and return you a clear sky.
I laugh. Laughing at her ignorance, laughing at her arrogance, and laughing at her own embarrassment. In fact, I don’t understand myself, but I have been suppressing myself. I tied my soul with words.
We started to contact by mail. Her words are light and beautiful, and they are poetic. My words are decadent and arrogant, but we always have a lot to say together, we wander through the Internet like the elves sucking in the night. We talked a lot, she talked about her love, her life, her friend. And I have been talking about the people and things I encountered in my wanderings, and my confusion. I told her that she was not surprised when I wanted to commit suicide. Just saying: I have already discovered it when I look at your text. I am just curious, what kind of desperation will have such an idea, but you are a special person. Although you hate the world, you are alive and well. Even if you want to die, it’s just to compete with life, so I know that you won’t end your life so easily. You are more passionate about life than anyone else, love your words, and you are a rebellious person in your bones.
When I heard these words, I laughed again and was very open-minded. I was thinking, finally someone knows me. Even a thorough understanding than myself.
We decided to meet up after three months of understanding.
I went to the city where she was, and called her to pick me up. I called for the first time on her phone. I heard the soft and soft female voice inside. I was imagining what kind of woman is this? Leaning against the railing next to the train station, I stared at the sky and suddenly felt that life could be so beautiful.
Hello, I am Ruomei. A female voice, behind my back, is very awkward, but very comfortable. I silently counted three times in my heart, turned around, smiled, smiled hard, and the sunset was long and long behind me.
I looked at the woman who was like a water in front of her eyes. Her long hair was hanging between her waist. The small lips were like the inlaid under the handsome nose. It looked almost exactly the same as I imagined. I said, I have the sensitivity that ordinary people don’t have, including for women, I guess, there must be a story between us, or I expect a story with such a beautiful, intelligent woman.
Hello, I am a philosopher.
I know. She raised an eyebrow. The posture you look at the sky is a gesture that is eager to fly. Your eyes are not actually closed. You are only measuring the height of the sky in the city and whether it is conducive to your flight conditions.
Looking at her clear eyes, I suddenly felt that maybe I could find a sky that belongs to me in this city.
I didn’t bring my luggage, because I don’t have any luggage, I can only take my words and my thoughts. I settled down in the small room where Ruomei rented. Every day she went to work, I was at home. In the evening she went home, I cooked for her to eat, never had such a comfortable day, I don’t know what it’s like this time, but I actually feel that there is a kind of warmth flowing between us and seeing her happiness. After drinking the soup I cooked, I saw her gentle around me, watching her little bird cuddling with me, watching her bleak face after falling asleep at night. There is a kind of thing that has been filled in the chest like overflowing. I have never understood what this strange feeling is. Until many years later, I realized that it was the happiness I have been pursuing. However, maybe happiness can’t be pre-emptive. I overdraw the happiness of this life, but I don’t know, so I am destined to pay for the happiness that I have lost with the life of vain.
Ruomei is a waitress at a hotel. It’s really just a clean waiter, but in this society, the waiter is already synonymous with the third industry practitioners. Ruomei is very sad, because there are often people who are cheap, but they have a mouth to speak, and they can’t say it. Every time I saw her tears, I was very distressed. I always said, don’t do it. If Rumei refuses to answer me, she insists that we all understand that she does not go to work, we have to starve to death, I am not a person who is willing to compromise easily, or that I am too stubborn to stubborn. I always insist on writing, I have never given up on my dream of literature. I think I can’t give her the life she wants. More understanding, more care, can’t compare with the reality of money, and I can never give her money.
We started the quarrel. She hoped that I would go out and find a serious job. In other words, in her eyes, the words that were so valued were already unfair. We are not wrong, I believe in my persistence, she insists on her stubbornness, but life has opened us a big joke. After all, we are just vulgar people, and we can’t escape the arrangement of life.
I didn’t take anything when I left, because I have nothing to take away. When I came, I didn’t expect that I would stay in this city for a year. I think this year will be the most in my life. A full time, because this year I have a woman besides the text. A woman I have been worried about for a year, although she has been lying down on the guy who is full of odor, but I still believe that I loved her, but I loved it, although I never told her. This is my love, one person, it will be good to stay in my heart. I can’t give her the life she wants, why bother to torture her?
Putting her away is also letting myself go.
I started my wandering life again. I took my words and left my soul in Ruome. I started to write novels, and every novel can see the shadow of Ruome. Her smile, her tears, her tenderness, her stubbornness, her final compromise, I put such a woman into my text one by one. My protagonist is always around this woman who has been with me for a year. After all, I can’t forget her. I use words to commemorate our love, or our support. However, I vented in the words, and I was painfully entangled in the words. No one understood what kind of painful pain it was.
I started to move around in various cities and I was looking for a balanced way. People are greedy animals, always looking forward to something better when they have it. I wandered on the edge of the darkness, like a beast that couldn’t find an exit, rambling in the dark until I was still bruised. I licked my wound and fell asleep in pain.
I started smoking, drinking, and even started to linger all night in the street all night. The people I have most despised before are such people. I feel that such people have no dreams and no pursuit. But I am pursuing my literature and pursuing my dreams. I left my important things while I was searching. I suddenly felt very tired. It was not physical, but spiritual. I began to feel that I was doing something wrong. I gave up such a woman and gave up that life. Is it really worth it?
I am born to be a stubborn person. Even if it is really decadent, even if I give up, I still stubbornly humble my pride. I sat on the side of the road and slept against the streetlights. The wind of October is blown on the body, as if to cut the skin. And I only wore a short sleeve, and the wine last night made me not slow down. The number of people coming and going is getting more and more. I can hear a lot of people talking about my voice. However, I have no energy to manage this. My hair is very messy, just like my thinking. I think that the three things people often do in this life are: self-deception, deception, and being deceived. And now I am in a state of self-deception. I try to convince myself that sitting here is no big deal. It doesn’t just affect the appearance of the city. Isn’t it being a neuropathy? They don’t just look at me with contempt. They looked at me like a monkey. Did you know that I closed my eyes and looked at them like a group of monkeys?
A small hand swayed in front of my eyes: wake up, wake up.
The tender child voice made me have to open my eyes. I saw a little girl about five years old with two small braids on her head. The face was red and red, and the big, watery eyes were watching me with concern. Suddenly there was a touch of emotion, and I feel that there will still be people in the world who care about me. I reached out and tried to touch her cute little face, but the excitement of the women around me made me retract my hand. I don’t want to create too much confusion. I looked at her: Is there something?
The sound is unusually mild, and the arrogance of the past is changed.
This, for you to eat. The little girl tried to put the bread in her hand in my hand. I smelled the cream on the bread and the taste of the baby cream used on the little girl. I looked at her, began to smile, and smiled hard.
I took the bread and ate it. I was thinking that this child must treat me as a homeless beggar. But what about it? I was homeless, and the rented house has already expired. The landlord’s wife is dying every day to remind me to pay the rent, and I have no money on it. It’s really gone, there is no penny. It is. However, I met a kind child like this in the first freeze. Is this the hope of life?
The little girl sat down beside me and watched me eat a whole loaf of bread without speaking. Both eyes have been squatting on me, saying: Uncle, what are you doing, are you not cold? Why are you not happy?
Uncle is not unhappy, just frustrated, understand?
I don’t understand, but uncle, your eyes are very red, you must have cried, who is bullying you?
I looked at this innocent child and told her seriously: no one can bully the uncle, the uncle himself bullied himself, whether you can understand it, you must remember later, you must not deceive yourself, if you can, choose Believe in this world, understand? This way you can grow up happily and happy, just like your uncle.
Looking at her, she seemed to understand and nod. I got up and left, and I wiped my face casually. I actually forgot that I cried last night.
That bread made me understand a lot of things. It is like a beam of light on my body, going home, I quickly wrote down all this with the computer, and the beautiful and lovely little girl, I think they will be the things that need to be treasured in my life, I will never forget it. On a cold morning, a little girl gave her fresh bread to the story of a lonely tramp. I have never written such warm and lyrical words, but in this text, I have found happiness that has disappeared for a long time.
The Internet is really a strange good thing. You try to spread the seeds of enthusiasm in this strange land. It can’t always bear fruit, and your unintentional actions may bring great repercussions. I think this is a matter of planting flowers and flowers. The story of the little girl quickly caused an uproar on the Internet, and many people followed in the post. Because many people have forgotten this wonderful thing, everyone is jealous in front of this little girl. We have forgotten the beauty we have had, how many people can she do?
This text also brought benefits to me. At the beginning, more people paid attention to my text. An editor’s friend told me that I have never found anyone who insists on you. The words of those people who used to watch them are always sick. However, your text is different. Let us think that we should reflect on it. What kind of attitude should we hold for the text?
A lot of my text was put on top of the major newspapers and magazines, along with my decadent image.
I think this little girl must have been sent to help me. Because of her, I began to feel that my literary dream is slowly being realized step by step. I started to find a publisher, and I wanted to publish a book for me. I finally found my way in the dark. No longer sinking, no longer embarrassing, always moving forward, always.
My book came out very quickly, and the reaction was very strong. They called me a rebellious writer who was at the cutting edge of the times. Every day, many readers sent letters. But people who are so lazy as I have never read their letters carefully, I have always been such a arrogant person. I watched my book sell big, but my mood was never implemented. It didn’t seem to be what I wanted. Being famous is not so important to me. The only benefit to me is money. I can be upright. Out of those big restaurants, those big restaurants, I don’t have to worry about not having instant noodles. I can concentrate on writing, but I can’t always find the passion I used to write. After all, I was softened in my life, and I was deceived by other forms of life. I started to fear, afraid to continue this way, I will become no longer me.
Before I was still alive, I lived in a hospital once, not because I was too good to get sick, but because I took some medicine for minor illness or improved exercise, I could resist the growth of the disease. Of course, at least now I have not found that I have a terminal illness that I have to treat, so I am far away from hospitalization. And I’m afraid of the pale ward and the severe doctors who are suffering from some occupational diseases.
I remember the hospitalization experience, there are many perspectives, at least let me know that my cooking or foreign level, so I learned a lot of cooking technology, especially pay attention to what to eat can increase the income of the hospital. I remember that there were many guests at home. In order to show that I was a good reader in the hall but definitely not in the kitchen, I said that when my mother cooked the last dish, I would let them try my best dish, dry chopped kidney beans. The reason is that I have eaten fresh and crisp kidney beans, and know how to make it, that is, put some sauces in the pot and mix them randomly for a few times to produce delicious dishes. That dish came out instantly in my theory. During the meal, some friends also teased you that your dish seemed not cooked, and you would be poisoned if you ate it. I don’t think so. I don’t want my dish to laugh at my technology on the table alone. So I almost finished the dish of my work by myself. The mouth also said that it was very fragrant and fragrant, in fact, I also ate more green and astringent original taste than others fried, perhaps closer to the natural taste.
At noon nap, I didn’t realize that the effect of unripe kidney beans was more effective than any medicine. Just an hour before I fell asleep, I felt the alarm of civil war ringing in my stomach, and then the flames of war were flying. Then the debris was thrown out of my mouth, not only kidney beans, but also other substances. Fortunately, at noon, the family gathered and the fighting in the gut woke them up. Otherwise, I would not have had the chance to go to the hospital where all of my doctors were unemployed. I would go directly to the cold and dark morgue, and it would be more likely to be the fuel of the crematorium in one step. My family rushed me up to the taxi. I was dizzy, as if I was running with the taxi, shaking and everything out of the window was blurred and crashing against the window. When I arrived at the hospital, I didn’t forget to give the taxi some reward in my mouth. As a result, my father gave me 10 yuan more money. The taxi driver said that the cleaning fee was discounted. The original car washing fee was 5 yuan. Look at him,,,,,,,,,,,, I heard the driver’s words and saw his hand pointing at me. I understand that if he doesn’t go on, look at me. If that happens, he’ll have to hang up red firecrackers. In sum, we have made a lot of discounts.
When I got out of the taxi, there was very little left in my stomach. Only the blood that had not yet clotted was found. The two outlets had been forced to close down. The only one was the upper mouth. Wow, there was another noise at the hospital gate. The blood standing in my stomach was not red but yellow. The crowded hospital entrance suddenly gave way as a welcome. The guard of SARS was only a white mask replaced by yellow, fat, thin, old and tender hands. I heard a sentence that made me wish that the blood in my stomach would turn into a dragon spray and bite the person who spoke fiercely. The man said that when I drank like this, it seemed that both the winery and the hospital would increase production.
When you enter the emergency room, it’s a place of fear. The room is much bigger than the general ward. It may be that people who are easy to enter need to go out sideways and the doors are double-opened. I lay in a sickbed where I didn’t know how many people had died from sleep on their electrocardiograms. It was like a corpse was thrown into the wolves quickly, and a few people in white coats came in an instant, without saying a word, putting some tubes on my head and chest. In my trance, I could only hear my mother anxiously asking the doctor, but the doctor seemed to be used to seeing the dead but hated the living instead of paying attention to her anxieties. After a while, she said indifferently that the greatest comfort that a mother might fear most was that her white hair sent her black hair: there was no danger of life, that is, food poisoning, she had to wash her stomach. In fact, the things in my stomach have disappeared. Even when I opened my mouth, only the breath of the battlefield left behind. My mind is becoming clearer and clearer. At least I can see that it is men and women who push me in front of my chest. I said: I’m much better now. Can I not wash my stomach? I was afraid of being robbed in my stomach and being hit hard again. Of course, I was afraid that now that I was awake, the pain would be blatant. Who do you listen to? Listen to the doctor. Father said in a stern voice. Listen to the patient. A doctor nearby said, “If you don’t wash your stomach, you’ll be hospitalized for transfusion.” When I listened to the infusion, my pore stood up, which reminded me of a lingering heart palpitation caused by infusion.
It was a national celebration of the National Day, cold is not willing to be lonely, ran to me to celebrate. On National Day night, several students came to my home to spend time, mainly to see the feat of fireworks. But when the fireworks sounded over the city, I was surrounded by a cold virus. I wanted to go to the hospital for treatment, but I was afraid I didn’t see the festive day and said I was not patriotic, so I asked the students to go downstairs to the small clinic and call a doctor to show me. In fact, I have no idea about the clinic (I don’t know if it is qualified to practise medicine). I just saw a lot of children and old people there when I passed by. I think I should not say that I am skilled in medicine, but I also have some fame. The girl who came to see me was a little sister about my size who did not know whether it was a doctor or a nurse. After giving me a pulse for a while, she took out the infusion bottle and put on a long syringe. When I saw the syringe, I was wondering if the clinic was a veterinary clinic. But still obediently let that little girl with a rubber tube tightly wrapped around my wrist, instant palm pain, blue veins burst out. With the tip of the needle, the little sister located a position and plunged in. It was not the medicine that could flow in the eye of the needle, but the red blood. The little sister pulled out. I’m sorry, but I didn’t find the right vessel. Her smile is much more accurate than looking for blood vessels. If it doesn’t burn, I will be angry. She pricked several times in succession. I don’t know how many bloodholes my hand has had. I dare not look at her face. I stared at her face all the time. At last, I felt that her face and my hand might be the same. I was nauseated, dizzy, and black in front of my eyes. I said: I can’t. And then it’s paralyzed. This scare, the younger sister also panicked hands and feet, quickly took back the needle tube, said: to the hospital. Luck is not bad. In addition to girls, there are several strong boys who come to my home to play. That’s why I must bring boys when I play later. I rush downstairs with my back. I remember a girl’s shoes for me. But when I came to the hospital, I saw slippers and sneakers on one side. I live on the fourth floor and go through an alley where taxis seldom visit me. The boy who carries me can’t afford to waste the time of changing people, so he runs to the place where there is a car in one breath. Strangely, I don’t know how to get to the hospital, but I can hear people who see me say: This man drank too much. It seems that wineries and hospitals in the world should be a production line. When I arrived at the hospital, I said I was sick with needles. It was no big problem. I paid some emergency expenses, took some medicine and went home. That little sister didn’t cure my cold, but she gave me another symptom: fainting needle.
Busy work pressure, tired body and mind, let Xiaoya finally unsustainable. That day, she fainted in the office and was sent to the hospital by her colleagues. The result of the examination was anemia caused by long-term malnutrition. The doctor told Xiaoya to pay attention to diet and increase nutrition, and adjust it for a few days. She laughed bitterly and said she had nothing to do.
When Xiaoya dragged her weak and tired body out of the hospital, it was evening. She was walking in the street with neon lights flickering. When she watched the warmth of thousands of lights revealing her home, her heart filled with pains. She did not know whether she should go back to the home where no one was waiting. On the crowded street, she is like a lonely passer-by, more like a dust floating in the air, without any reliance, no place to fall.
Haggard and helpless, she called Su Run. She didn’t tell him about her illness, but said you could go home and have dinner with me. Su Run’s: “Xiao Ya don’t make trouble. When I graduate, please have a big meal.” Suddenly she felt a little cold, like a lake, and instantly a thin layer of ice formed. She began to re-examine whether the man who had promised her would give her happiness, or the Su Run who had not let her suffer a little grievance? I remember when I was in college, Su Run was sick for two days and two nights without sleeping. He held her tightly in his arms with warm and powerful arms and took care of Xiao Ya inch by inch. Feed her a spoonful of the good soup in her mouth. Su Run’s eyes were filled with love and tenderness. Seeing Xiaoya’s body getting better gradually, he smiled happily and was as innocent as a child. In memory, Su Run’s gentle smile slowly blurred in tears and drifted away.
Xiaoya in gradually cold love, ushered in a warm spring. Looking at the world full of vitality, little Yaduo thought that his love was also revived in the spring blossom. The passion of love melted her again. My heart’s longing rose to the top again. Xiaoya thought that in a few months, Su Run would graduate. Su Run should fulfill his promise to become the only bride in his life, pure and happy bride.
It’s time to come. After all, it caught people off guard.
On that day, she called Su Run indirectly at work. Su Run never calls her when she is working, which surprises Xiao Ya and overwhelms her with unknown feelings. Su Run in the telephone hesitated for half a day, and finally said stiffly, “Xiaoya, let’s break up!” I have already set up the procedure of studying abroad. I will pay you back twice after your money. Sorry! Before hanging up the phone, Xiaoya heard a girl’s voice called Su Run, which was so tender as she had once called her beloved Su Run.
How did Xu Xiaoya not think that all his efforts could not withstand the power of reality? Su Run may not have confidence in their future, and do not want to pay too much hardship, so he chose a shortcut to the other side of a happy life. Xiaoya understands Su Run’s ideas, but can’t accept the fact. She is confused, this love, like her pink dream, once so warm, but so short.
Her complete despair, despair like a sharp knife, deeply hurt Xiaoya’s heart. The pain, hovering into a dark tunnel, can not see a glimmer of light. The feeling of hopelessness makes her heart ache like an invisible hand, stripping her heart and burning it. Watching their hard-built love castle collapse, the flower of love withered instantly, becoming a despondent plant, all the beauty has become gray, colorless, lifeless. Xiaoya stretches her cold finger to the frame placed at the bedside to gently touch the smiling face of Su Run in the photo. What the fingertips convey is the relentless cold of glass. Thin glass, they were isolated, life can not hold hands.
Xiaoya slowly picked up the photos, stroked their once sweet group photos with tears over and over, then gently pulled out the photos, bit by bit, tore them apart, thrown them behind her to say goodbye to their love.
In the bright spring sun, Xiaoya welcomes the bitter winter of love.
Xiaoya curled up on the bed, looked at the fragments of photos scattered on the ground, and cried and fell asleep. She still had that sweet dream.
She realized that dream again: the winding road at the village entrance, the pink peach blossom forest beside the road, the Su Run waving to her at dawn, Xiao Ya ran quickly, and she was late for class… Dream of endless sea, blue sky, golden soft beach sprinkled with beautiful rose petals. Su Run, dressed in groom’s clothes, came to her with a smile and gently took a ring to her hand. Quietly say, “Xiaoya, I love you! Marry me!” The joyful laughter and blessings of the family reverberate around with the white and fine waves…
In 2018, Xiaojun came to Shenzhen to earn a living by himself. In order to reduce his expenses, Xiaojun rented and lived in Qingshuihe River on the side of the railway line of the Buji Customs, which is adjacent to the Buji Agricultural Batch Market. It is convenient to buy cheap vegetables and rent relatively cheap houses here. Because it is a typical City-side village where many mobile people, such as drug addicts, prostitutes and gamblers, rent and live here. The staff is relatively complex, so the police station of the jurisdiction has become a common practice to check the temporary residence permit at intervals of three to five.
One evening after dinner, Xiaojun planned to go to the Qingshuihe Night Market at the end of the alley. Before he reached the night market, Xiaojun heard the noise in front of him. Xiaojun thought, “It’s not until the police moved tonight.” He touched his pocket unconsciously. “Oh, no, no wallet and ID card are with him.”
At that moment, two co-policemen with red hoops went straight to Xiaojun, and the murderous handler pointed to Xiaojun and said, “Temporary residence permit, your temporary residence permit!”
“No, I left it at home,” Xiaojun answered.
“Suspend your mother, who are you cheating on? Come with us.”
During the conversation, a policeman of the two associations came up and grabbed Xiaojun’s hand and took him to the night market square at the railway crossing of Qingshuihe River. He was parked on the square by several pig cage cars (the closed trucks with only air-permeable windows sealed by iron bars on both sides, which many migrant workers nicknamed as “pig cage cars”) waiting for Xiaojun.
Xiaojun was stuffed into the car, which was already crowded with people. Everyone tried to lean against the window to see if they could find acquaintances passing by. There was no way out. The window was too small and crowded. Xiaojun managed to squeeze into the car window and looked out through the cage-like iron window, without seeing a familiar figure.*
The “pig cage car” soon started and drove out along the narrow ramp of the Qingshui River. Some people tried to turn to pedestrians in the street for helpin vain.
At this time, the people in the carriage were aware of the seriousness of the matter, and began to become restless, cursing, complaining, sighing, crying, all kinds of noisy noises in a mess, Xiaojun felt like a lamb to be slaughtered, and had to resign to fate.
As soon as the door opened, several co-policemen and policemen waited for Xiaojun. A policeman scolded and scolded them.
Get out of the car, fuck up!
Xiaojun, they were rushed into an office in the police station yard. Inside and outside, there were fierce police and co-policemen guarding them.
“Everyone crouched on the ground, not to speak,” a policeman shouted.
Then, the police at their desks began to register the “prisoners” one by one, and soon it was Xiaojun’s turn.
“Name, age, where is the person,” the police routinely interrogated Xiaojun.
“I’ve just come to Shenzhen to look for a job. I have a border control certificate,” Xiaojun seized the opportunity to explain to the police.
The policeman did not raise his head, and a strange “did not ask you this”. Then he ordered Xiaojun to press several handprints heavily on the register book. Xiaojun saw the seal of Luohu Honggang Police Station under the register book.
Xiaojun, after they had registered their paintings, was caught up by the police with a slightly larger “pig cage car”.
“It seems that we are going to be sent to Camphorwood this time,” said a little brother who had just come from Fujian to Shenzhen to draw pictures.
“No, we are going to be sent to Yinhu today. Tomorrow, before 12 o’clock, those who have not been saved will be sent to Jieyang, Camphorwood, Freshwater, Yangcun and other places and sent to different places according to their origins.”
The speaker was a Hubei native surnamed Chen, who had been sent to Jieyang once and finally saved from the shelter for 900 yuan.
Listening to Chen Hubei, Xiaojun sounded like a fellow countryman and Chen Hubei, Chen Hubei told Xiaojun.
“After going to Yinhu, there is a public telephone in the snack bar in the reception station. You can call the company and friends and ask them to redeem people. If there is a certificate from the unit, it can be settled as long as 100 yuan. If there is no unit, 300 yuan will be needed.”
According to Chen Hubei, a fellow villager, Xiaojun’s tension relaxed a little. Xin Xiu also had ten yuan on him. It should be no problem to call his roommate.
About half an hour later, the “pig cage car” arrived in Yinhu Mountain. Xiaojun andJun were ordered out as usual. Long queues were formed at the entrance. Staff were busy searching the prisoners. All personal items such as keys, mobile phones, pagers and wallets were confiscated temporarily.
Xiaojun thought to himself, “Thanks to Chen Laoxiang who just hid his money in the car, otherwise, he would be penniless.”
Because it is a fellow countryman, Xiaojun and Chen Hubei are arranged in the same room, where the door is locked by a big iron, the door opposite the wall is a urinal pool, and there are two large toilets beside the urinal pool; beside the door is a row of brick beds similar to the Kang bed structure, which are polished with cement, and the roof of the room is a funnel-shaped skylight with wire. The net cover is so strict that it is estimated that even birds can’t fly out. Xiaojun, a dozen or so of them were all confined in this room. Everyone was sitting on the cold brick bed with their faces staring at each other. After a long silence, Xiaojun was filled with hate, regret and complaint.
“What else can we do? People have to bow their heads under the eaves, hoping that the dawn will come early.” Xiaojun thought left and right, and went to sleep in confusion.
Shortly after, Xiaojun was woken up by a noise. It turned out that two thin and short guys who came in the room sometime beat a “prisoner friend” wearing glasses in the corner of the brick bed. Under the leadership of Chen Hubei, they stopped the murder of the two guys in unison. They met badly, and called for the staff to change their rooms in disgrace. Express gratitude to Chen Hubei.
Breakfast blew-out time finally arrived, Yinhu accommodation